The Forgotten
by xpoetxofxthexmoon
Summary: Axel sees Saïx changing, but is it his fault? Axel doesn't know, nor does he know that he's still being admired by the azure haired male. xxRated M For Future Chaptersxx Saix/Axel, Yaoi. Mentions of Xemnas x Saix & Roxas x Axel.
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I do not claim to own anything in this fan fiction. They belong to their respected owners. If you think I do own this, then I will have to shoot you in the ass with an arrow :]

Pairing: Saïx x Axel

Warning: Characters will be mildly out of character; slightly AU; mentions Xemnas x Saïx and Axel x Roxas.

Summary: Once upon a time, Axel and Saïx were whole as Isa and Lea; both secretly always admiring one another. Now as Nobodies, things have changed — Axel sees Saïx changing, but is it his fault? Axel doesn't know, nor does he know that he's still being admired by the azure haired male.

* * *

**One**_._

* * *

_Laughter fills the air, foot steps following after the noise of glee, as a red head races down the stairs. Bright yellow eyes watched the flaming haired boy fight with a pair of shoes, the red head's green eyes narrowing as a few curses escape him. The azure haired male said nothing as he observed the other boy, curious yet silent. _

_Spiky red hair bounced as the owner popped up, grinning at his azure haired friend. He glanced over the other male's flawless face, his head tilting to one side. The silent boy just seemed to stare at the red head, never even blinking or motioning to speak. This probably would have been annoyed or slightly freaked out by this, but the red head was used to it._

_Isa, the azure haired boy, was always so quiet and calm. Many found him too silent to be trusted, but the loud and out going Lea — the red head — couldn't help but find himself oddly attracted to Isa. Lea wouldn't call himself gay, but he wasn't exactly straight either — he didn't know about Isa. Isa never even bothered to give anyone, male or female, a second glance when Lea pointed out a 'hottie'. _

"_Isa," Lea grinned sheepishly. "You're early!" _

_Isa only nodded at the other boy, his yellow orbs remaining on him. He watched the emerald eyes glow for a moment with a mysterious emotion, one that Isa didn't understand. He had never really seen that emotion hidden in anyone's, besides Lea's, eyes. He didn't know whether to be amused or to be confused; he merely kept his eyes and expression blank. _

"_Lea!" A female voice shouted, "What's going on — Oh! Isa." _

_Eyes moved to the doorway to the living room, an older woman standing there with a small smile on her lips. The woman looked much like her son, Lea, yet instead of emerald eyes hers were blue. Lea had gotten those beautiful emeralds from his father, Isa knew that for a fact — after all Lea's father was the one who left him in. _

_Lea waved, "Yo, mom." _

_Isa waved and a small nod to the woman, though it didn't seem to bother her. Everyone knew that the boy was quiet, Lea's mother was no different. Though unlike everyone else, she didn't find it odd that her son and the quiet boy were best friends. Of course not, actually, she was thankful — Lea seemed to settle a bit in the presence of the boy. _

"_Where are you two off to today?" She smiled and eyed the two boys, "Nothing too bad, I hope." _

"_Agh, mom!" Lea whined, earning a glare from Isa. "We're just gonna go chill, nothing bad. Besides, Isa's coming along to keep me outta trouble."_

_Isa tensed as he felt his best friend's arm draping over his shoulders, he didn't relax either. Though it didn't seem like Lea was going to remove his arm either, but Isa couldn't help smiling mentally. Though it was awkward for the golden eyed male, not to mention somewhat annoying, he felt at ease with the red head so closed to him._

"_Alright alright." Lea's mother laughed softly at her son, "I get it."_

"_We're—"_

"_Not so fast Lea," she placed a hand on her hip. "Do you two need some money?" _

_Isa parted his lips to speak, to tell the woman a simple 'no'. Obviously, he didn't get the chance to, even though he hated impose on the family. Not to mention, if he did, and his family found out, there would be hell to pay — a hell that Isa wasn't fond of. _

"_Well duh," Lea grinned before Isa could say a thing. He ignored the glances from the red head as he continued, "We're gonna need some money for awesome stuff!"_

"_Like ice cream?" The woman giggled before turning on her heels, "I'll be right back boys, don't go anywhere." _

_Isa looked away from the woman, who was now entering the kitchen area. He felt guilt raging in his stomach, his eyes narrowing at the wall. He hated this, having Lea's mother give the two money — Isa's family never offered such things. Then again, Lea never went over to Isa's, which the young azure haired boy was thrilled about. _

_The sound of footsteps brought Isa's attention back to the kitchen area. The female entered with a smile, ignoring her son's out stretched hand. She winked at the azure boy and held out a small envelope, her smile only widening at the normal look of confusion on the boys' faces. "Here, Isa." _

"_Oh," Isa commented quietly and took the envelope from his friend's parent. "I will be sure to return the change, Mrs." _

"_That's my boy," She smiled and turned to Lea, ruffling his spikes. "Now you two run along, and don't be too late getting back. I'll have dinner done by then." _

_Lea grinned and nodded, bidding his mother farewell before grabbing Isa's arm. Isa waved slightly before he was dragging out of the house by the red head. The two could hear the faint laughter of Lea's mother as the door closed and they walked down the stairs, Lea releasing his friend's arm once they hit the streets._

"_Come on, Isa!"_

_Isa only nodded and followed his friend down the street, shoving the envelope into one of his many pockets. The normal uneasy feeling in his stomach disappeared as Lea glanced over his shoulder, grinning happily at him. A ghost of a smile appeared on his lips, his head tilting to one side — he quietly, but happily, followed his best friend. _

* * *

Pale eyelids lifted to reveal almost animal-like yellow eyes. A light groan escaped the blue haired nobody as he pushed himself up, now sitting up straight on his bed — his hands resting on the mattress to keep him up. The sheets that once covered his frame slid down, revealing his scarred form, as his chest heaved angrily for oxygen.

As he slid his body back against the headboard — shaped like the Nobodies' symbol — his yellow eyes scanned the room. He cringed a bit at the white metal-like walls, the dim moonlight reflecting brightly against them. With a light grunt in his throat, he hung his head a bit and turned his gaze out the window near the body he slept in.

His animal-like orbs stared up at the heart shaped moon, the beautiful Kingdom Hearts. An odd, an not even noticed, looking look echoed through his normally empty and hallow eyes. That dream — no, that was a memory — had been haunting him for the past weeks. He tried to push it away, along with the others that seemed to echo through his skull, to keep them from bothering him.

He could see everything so perfectly, those blissful days before becoming the monster he was now. Everything hadn't been extremely easy, but at least things weren't as difficult as they were now. Everyday now was a struggle, not to mention, he was losing him. That red head who was so close to him back then, back when everything was perfect — now he was slipping through Saïx's fingers.

Lea — no, his name is Axel now — had been his backbone back then. Everything that he did was because of him, he gave him the power to continue living everyday. He wasn't never sure of himself unless Lea — Axel — was around, it was a trait that still ran through Saïx's blood. But things weren't simple now, he doubted they would never be simple again.

A long time ago, 'Lea' was the reason 'Isa' crawled out of bed to live life. Now Axel was the reason Saïx wanted to help build Kingdom Hearts, for their hearts to be return. Not for himself, but for Axel. Saïx had always doubted that he deserved such things as life or a heart; Axel had always deserved it. The boy was an angel, Saïx always thought that, an angel sent to rescue him from the depths of his own self loathing.

He brought one of his hands up to the bridge of his nose, using his thumb and pointer finger to pinch it lightly in frustration. Why was all of this happening now? He had to stop this nonsense. The past was the past, there was no going back in time. He had to begin to ignore these dreams, these memories of the past. There was no other choice for him, but he couldn't figure out how to exactly ignore them — how to forget. Everything seemed so difficult.

"Saïx!"

Saïx's eyes snapped over to the door as it flung open. A lanky frame dragged itself into his room, red spikes bouncing upon a pale head. A black glove rubbed the sleep out bright green eyes, before the arm fell to the red head's side. Saïx couldn't help but place on the cold-evil-mask he normally wore, his eyes blank as he stared. His voice spoke coldly, "What is it, Axel?"

"Demyx is at it again," Axel whined. Saïx almost wanted to grin, but fought it back as Axel continued. "Playing that damn sitar this late! Doesn't he realize that some of us have missions tomorrow? The dude needs to stop with all that loud noise."

Saïx frowned, "What do you want me to do about it?"

"Scare 'im." Axel answered, "Ya know, with that growl thing you do. The one that makes him run through the portals. To get him to go on his missions. That's one, do it."

Saïx growled, "Go away."

"Why?"

Saïx just glared at the red head. He really didn't want to put up with this right now; hell, Axel was the last person he wanted to see right now. It was Axel's fault that these dreams were showing up. Yes, Saïx was blaming Axel but with good reason. Axel was the one who would normally bring up their past. It was Axel's somebody that showed up in the dreams. If he wanted to ignore or forget those memories, Axel would have to go — he only reminded Saïx of the past.

Axel muttered, "You changed a lot, Saïx…"

Saïx broke his glare to blink. Even though he knew what Axel meant by it, he didn't really know what else to do. Did it really bother Axel that Saïx didn't pretend like everyone else? He mentally shook the thought from his head, turning his gaze out the window. He commented quietly to himself that Axel too had changed, not realizing that he spoke it aloud.

Axel blinked, "What'd you say?"

"Leave me alone." Saïx snapped and glared, "Do whatever you want about Demyx. Don't you dare come in here again without permission."

Axel merely jumped at the snapping _beast._ He shook his head lightly and turned on his heels, not wanting to anger Saïx anymore then he had somehow done already. He quickly exited the room and shut the door quietly. He stood outside of the door for a moment, glancing at the floor in thought, before heading down the hall. He moved towards his own room, thinking of what exactly could have set his old friend off — maybe, just maybe he was having the same dreams he was. No, that couldn't be it.

When the door had closed, Saïx tilted his head back, his animal-like orbs focused on the ceiling in thought. Why didn't he pretend like everyone else around the castle? But then again, what was the point of trying to pretend? There was no one here, besides Axel, that actually knew Saïx before he lost his heart. They only knew he was alive when he was giving missions, or speaking to the superior during meetings. Was Saïx lonely?

No. He couldn't be lonely, being lonely would mean he was feeling something. He couldn't feel a damn thing, being just an empty shell prevented him from emotions. He didn't have the rights to feel. He had lost those rights, but why? What had happened that made him lose his heart? He couldn't remember anymore — it had been so long.

He mumbled something under his breath, shifting his weight on the bed and laying back down. He rolled over, his back to the door as he inhaled sharply. He needed to stop this, he needed to become what everyone thought he was. Pale eyelids slid over his eyes, he forced his mind to blank out as he slowly began to drift off. He tugged the sheet upward to cover his frame, drifting into a restless slumber.

* * *

A/N: _**Hello, I'm not sure how long this will be. It's going to follow a bit of the storyline of Days, and might slide into KH2. I'm just not sure yet. Let me know what you think of the idea. ^^ **_


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: I do not claim to own anything in this fan fiction. They belong to their respected owners. If you think I do own this, then I will have to shoot you in the ass with an arrow :]

Pairing: Saïx x Axel

Warning: Characters will be mildly out of character; slightly AU; mentions Xemnas x Saïx and Axel x Roxas.

Summary: Once upon a time, Axel and Saïx were whole as Isa and Lea; both secretly always admiring one another. Now as Nobodies, things have changed — Axel sees Saïx changing, but is it his fault? Axel doesn't know, nor does he know that he's still being admired by the azure haired male.

* * *

**Two**_._

* * *

_The setting sun caused the sky to dance with multiple colors - mostly different reds and oranges. The air even began to chill slightly, the chill setting in as the sun began to disappear and the moon waking to rise. Though even still the two boys that sat at the edge of the bridge didn't seem to be bothered by this. A pair of bright green eyes shined while the amber ones seemed to remained glued on the scenery. Everything seemed almost perfect, almost._

_A smile tugged at his pale lips, eyelids sliding over green eyes as the light breeze blew past. His red spiky hair shifting with the breeze, his eyes reopened slowly and moved to the boy next to him. Azure hair shifted in the wind as well, he watched his pale friend gaze upward as he waited patiently. Lea never understood his friend's obsession with the moon, he guessed that Isa didn't understand his own obsession with sunsets. The colors reminded him of fire, his favorite element, but what did the night sky remind Isa of? Why was it that he could stare at it for hours. _

_"Hey, Isa?"_

_His friend turned his gaze from the sky and moved to the red headed boy. He tilted his head a bit, almost like a puppy — Lea found it adorable and loved it when the azure haired male did it. "Yes, Lea? What is it?" There was concern in the boy's voice, it made Lea smile. He always adored it when he was concerned by things. '"Lea?"_

_Lea chuckled, "Never mind."_

_"Lea," Isa used his warning tone on the other boy. "What is on your mind?"_

_"It's not important. I just…" Lea paused with a pondering look on his face. Should he really ask such a question? Of course not, Isa would never ask him anything like that. He better not, besides it's not like Isa would answer. He was secretive about certain things, just plain out quiet, even with Lea. There was no need to make things awkward. _

_"Lea? You just…?"_

_"I just wanted to know if you wanted to head back to my place. We should chill on the roof. Then you can just spend the night at my place, my mom won't mind. You know the woman loves ya." It was true, his mother did love Isa, but she wasn't the only one. It seemed a simple enough thought, one that he knew that Isa would believe._

_"Are you sure?" Isa seemed torn about something, it sounded off in his voice. Lea only gave a bright smile, nodding his head quickly. "I… alright. Let's go." _

_Lea gave a bright smile before hopping to his feet, offering Isa his hand. Isa carefully took Lea's hand and was pulled to his feet, Isa almost smiled — almost. Lea kept the other boy's hand in his, grinning like a fox before taking off like one as well. Isa grunted while moving after him, though as Lea glanced over his shoulder he noticed it. The faintest smile had touched the azure haired boy's lips. Lea turned his head to hide his own smile, the happiest one he had in quite some time._

* * *

Eyelids fluttered opened to reveal bright green eyes, a light groan escaping the figure that they belonged to. He pushed himself up to sit, the sheets that once covered his frame slid down — the body revealed to be rather lanky. The owner slide backwards against the headboard, the bright green eyes moving about the bedroom with a slight groan. He had always hated this bedroom, his bedroom, there was nothing special about it. It was the same as every other room, similar to the rest of the castle. The room was white, pure white, with metal-like walls that seemed to be as empty as the rest of the place. A single bed, with headboard shaped like the symbol that stood for them, resting against a wall with a small dull white nightstand sitting next to it.

Axel groaned a bit while moving his eyes to the single window, that rested on one of the walls which beamed with the night air. He wondered to himself if Saïx was still up. He wondered about a lot of things; what was going on with these dreams was the one that stuck out the most. He couldn't understand why these dreams were starting back up, he hadn't had one since he got here. Normally sleep was just… blank. Blank like everything else in his new 'life, if you could call this a life.

No, this wasn't a life, this was a living hell. Those dreams were a life, a life that he longed to return to. A life when things were so easy, when things were exactly how they should be. He had his best friend, sea salt ice cream, a family — he had Isa. The man in the room near his was not the man that he once was, not like Axel was anything like the boy he was from those dreams, those memories. Still, he somewhat missed the those days, if he could miss anything at all.

Axel sighed faintly and shook his head, trying to focus and rid his mind of things. Things of the past, things of Isa — no, it was Saïx now. He had soon found that Saïx didn't like to be called Isa anymore, he had a claymore in his face last time he spoke that name. Axel smirked at the memory as he stared at the ceiling, it had been the first time Saïx spoke to him since they'd become nobodies. It wasn't the best memory but it certainly was one that he could forget, one that oddly enough made him smile. Still things didn't get better, things only got worse. Axel frowned at that thought, the thought of Saïx's change.

Axel knew that Saïx wasn't the only one to change. He sensed that he did as well, Saïx's words were one of the hints of this. Saïx had said that Axel changed, of course he would know if he was changing — he was once Axel's best friend. No, he wasn't Axel then, he was Lea. There was a different, right? Of course. Then he was a person, he existed; now he was just a nobody, he had no existence. He was alive, there was nothing after this, right?

An inhuman growl echoed out, bouncing off the dull white walls. Those same inhuman growls were what made the flamer leave his room the first time, the cover up lie of Demyx was a _hurry-and-think-of-something _sort of thing. He was worried hen he first heard those growls, they normally happened when the azure beast was in some sort of trouble — normally with the superior. The flamer frowned once more and laid back in bed, staring at the ceiling. He couldn't just race in there again, the lie wouldn't hold up once more. He had to let Saïx handle this on his own, no matter how much the flamer wished to help.

"Axel!"

The frightened voice brought the flamer out of his thoughts, his bright green eyes flickered over to a tired and frightened Demyx. He blinked a few times, wondering why the nobody was standing in the middle of his room with a pleading expression. Though he soon figured it out as a howl of anger echoed out, the young Nobody jumped in fear and let out a whimper. Demyx was frightened of the noises that were coming from Saïx's room.

"What," Axel questioned while playing stupid. He didn't want Demyx to know that he already knew what was going on — Demyx would want him to fix it if that were the case. Though he did not answer vocally, he just pointed in the direction of the growls. "Saïx?" Demyx nodded at Axel's question. "Don't be afraid of him and his stupid noises. He's all bark and no bite, kinda like a little puppy."

"N-no!" Demyx yelped as another, but lighter, growl echoed through the halls. "He's not afraid to bite! Xigbar said so!"

"When did we start listening to Xigbar? Not like he would know a damn thing about anything." Axel arched a brow, his eyes rolling slightly. He lifted a hand and make a shooing motion. "Just go, Saïx isn't go to come raging out of his room, growling and snarling, wanting to rip your face off." Demyx's aqua eyes widened, Axel blinked. "What?"

"I never thought of that!" Demyx looked panic stricken, "What is that DOES happen?"

"Oh brother." Axel pinched the bridge of his nose, torn between amusement and frustration. "It's not going to happen, Demyx. Just go back to your room, get some sleep, we have missions in a few hours."

"N-no way!" Demyx yelped, "I'm not risking getting attacked in my sleep! I'm his least favorite member!"

Axel groaned his dismay, sitting up and swinging his legs over the side of the bed. "No, you're not his favorite, but I doubt you're his least favorite. I'm pretty sure the least favorite title belongs to me. But if you keep this up, I'm gonna tell him that you go into his room at night, and going through his stuff."

Demyx blinked, "Is that bad?"

"Uh, yeah." Axel lied, not really sure if Saïx still hated his things being touched. He remembered when he was Isa that if someone touched something of his, he would most certainly attack or lash out. "Now get out of here."

Demyx pouted. Yes, pouted. "Can't I stay here tonight?"

"No," Axel rolled his eyes and flopped backwards on the bed. "Now move it. You might not go on missions, but I sure as hell have to. Now get."

"Fine, fine!" The other nobody yelped, "I-I'll go!"

Axel waited for the familiar sound of the portal, before sitting up once more and watching the blond disappear through it. The flamer let out a light sigh before shifting uncomfortably in place, his eyes drifting over to the wall that had been in the direction of his azure haired friend. He frowned a bit as he stared, a gloved hand ruffling his spiky red hair. Those inhuman growls seemed to settle, but Axel could still hear them clear as a bell in his head. It was right, none of this was right.

He blamed Xemnas. He blamed the rest of the members for not doing anything. He blamed himself for never trying, never going to Saïx. He never blamed the azure haired nobody; not because he was afraid of him, but for the simple reason he didn't know what to say. Axel wasn't Lea anymore, nor was Saïx Isa. Things were not as simple as before — they never would be, would they? No. Things would never be the same, never be as simple. Even after, if, they got their hearts back. It would never be Isa and Lea, Axel wasn't even sure if it would ever be Saïx and Axel. Axel wasn't sure of much.

With a soft sigh the flamer laid back on his bed, staring up at the ceiling for a moment. This didn't feel right, nothing here ever felt right, but had to be one of the worst moments. With another soft sigh the flamer's eyelids slid over his bright green orbs, a light mumble of something and soon slumber took over. The slumber would engulf him in memories, memories of how things once where. Mixed and confusing, yet peaceful and comforting. They would remind him of a gentler azure haired male, one that would do anything for the flamer, for his best friend.

* * *

A/N: _This chapter came to me oddly enough in my sleep. I hope you all like it. As for those who left reviews, thank you so much! You guys helped this chapter come out. (: Reviews make me very happy, and they also make my little kitten purr. Remember that, you know you like purring kittens!_


	3. Chapter 3

Disclaimer: I do not claim to own anything in this fan fiction. They belong to their respected owners. If you think I do own this, then I will have to shoot you in the ass with an arrow :]

Pairing: Saïx x Axel

Warning: Characters will be mildly out of character; slightly AU; mentions Xemnas x Saïx and Axel x Roxas.

Summary: Once upon a time, Axel and Saïx were whole as Isa and Lea; both secretly always admiring one another. Now as Nobodies, things have changed — Axel sees Saïx changing, but is it his fault? Axel doesn't know, nor does he know that he's still being admired by the azure haired male.

* * *

**Three**_._

* * *

Wearily the blue haired nobody pushed himself out of bed, an exhausted look on his pale face. It was clear that the nobody's return to sleep either didn't last long or didn't happen at all. After Axel's disappearance, he tossed and turned for the rest of the night, not finding any relief in sleep during the night. But that didn't matter now; he had duties to take care of. He couldn't let down Xemnas, but for different reasons that many would think. For now, though, he would shake the thought from his head and move on with the rest of the day.

He dragged himself from the bed and over to his close, pulling out one of the single black cloaks from inside. He shrugged into the leather hooded object, pulling up the silver zipper before turning to the drawer where his gloved sat. Though his movements were short lived when he noted something out of the corner of his eye. He had paused about half way through, his eyes caught sight of his reflection in the window.

Though it was faded, he could see himself - he was nothing like what he had wanted to be as a child. So cold and distant, so different from the young boy in his memories. Maybe that was why the friendship he used to care for so much, before becoming a nobody, was weakening so much. He could almost feel his stomach lurk with dismay, a lump forming in his throat. He mentally shook the thought from his head. This was wrong, he couldn't feel anything — there was no need to worry about this.

Frowning, Saïx grabbed his gloves and slid them on. He walked over to the door and slipped into his boots; which ended up being mostly hidden by the long cloak. He turned his gaze behind him, to the window, for one last look at himself. Saïx, the person he came to hate so much. Nothing like Isa, the boy that had so many dreams and hopes, so many emotions — nothing like the monster that stared back at him. Yes, Saïx, he was a monster.

Exhaling a sigh, the nobody turned back to the door and opened it. He stepped into the long, endless hallway — beginning his journey to the grey area. He would meet Xemnas there, get the missions to hand out for the day, then watch the only person — beside Axel — who wasn't afraid of him walk away. It was a normal day for the Diviner. Normal… only for Saïx, not for Isa. Isa would follow the only being to care about him, the only being that was important to him. But Xemnas, he wasn't important — right?

The azure haired male was broken from his thoughts as he reached the Grey Area. Xemnas stood in front of the large windows and stared out at Kingdom Hearts. Saïx couldn't help but frown at the sight, he was hoping that Axel was there — but he knew better. This was normal, Xemnas waiting for Saïx like this, no Axel in sight. Still, hesitate he moved over to his superior and stood behind him like a good puppy. He greeted the other quietly; "Superior."

"Ah, Saïx." Xemnas smirked and turned to the blue haired nobody. Saïx almost cringed, that smirk unnerved him. "Greetings."

Saïx only bowed his head. There was tension swimming in Saïx's aura, something that didn't go by unnoticed by Xemnas. Not that Xemnas cared; as long as Saïx was loyal, things were perfect. But was Saïx really loyal? Or maybe this loyalty was just pretend. Pretend was obviously the answer, he was excellent at pretending when it was needed. Saïx played the loyal servant, only because he was planning. After the things that the Superior put him through, Saïx quickly learned to pretend to be the loyal and faithful pet — obedient like a dog.

Yes it was true, Xemnas wasn't the polite and kind Superior that he often put on. Saïx's first meeting, the azure beast spoke out of turn and paid the price. He never spoke of what the price was, at least the part that no one had seen. The one he did speak of was a slap across the face, hard enough to pivot his head to the side in front of all the others. That's when his plans began, but they only went into action when the other part happened — the part that haunted the beast, and kept happening throughout their time together.

"Number VII," Xemnas purred as he slid the mission cards into the azure's hand. Saïx cringed as the silver moved closer, face inches away from his own. The older nobody sliding his hands to cup the azure's pale face, a sly smirk appeared. "Here are the missions, I wish to see you after you give them out. Understood?"

Saïx nodded and gripped the packet of note cards in his hand, trying to clear his head. The silver man smirked and turned, exiting the Grey Area with a light chuckle. Saïx only watched the man disappear before turning to look out the window. His yellow eyes searching for whatever the Superior was looking at, soon coming up empty handed. Was he just looking in hopes to rid himself of the thoughts that rushed through his skull, knowing what was going to happen once he was finished here.

"Saïx!"

Saïx turned his head and gazed over his shoulder. A black cloaked, lanky frame trotted into the room. Saïx frowned a bit and turned completely to his red headed friend. He pondered if he could still call the flamer a friend, did he still have that right? Probably not. He lifted the cards in his hand, skimming through them to look for Axel's mission.

"Saïx," Axel tried to get the man to speak. There was corner in his tone, concern that shouldn't have been there. It was not like Axel could really feel… right? "You okay, man?"

Saïx still didn't respond to the red head. He pulled a card from the pack and holds it out to Axel silently. He didn't want to speak, he was afraid to speak, he wasn't sure if he could remain unfeeling and took his voice under control. He heard a groan from Axel, as the red head rolled his eyes before scanning over the card for a moment. He blinked a few times and turned his green orbs to meet an animal like gaze of the other.

"Seriously?"

"Yes." Saïx respond dully, keeping his tone as calm as possible. "These come straight from the superior himself. You know that."

"I swear you pull these damn things out of your ass." Saïx just rolled his eyes at the red head while opening a portal for the other nobody. The red head groaned a bit and turned to the portal. "I got it, I got it. I'll see ya, Isa."

"What," Saïx's eyes snapped over to the other. Axel looked clueless as he blinked at the azure haired nobody. "What did you just call me?"

"Saïx."

"I…" Saïx growled, "Just go!"

Axel gave the other a funny look before stepping through the portal. Once the red head was through, the portal closed slowly. Saïx glared at where the portal — and red head — once stood. Was he losing his mind? Isa, the name from before — why else would he hear it? Unless Axel was just playing with his head, or he was too frightened to repeat that name. No, that wasn't true. Axel had that pure look of confusion, confusion that he shouldn't feel.

Saïx pinched the bridge of his nose, sighing heavily. It was official; Saïx was losing his calm and collective nature. Saïx was losing what was left of his mind and sanity. This was becoming too much — the dreams, the name, the thoughts. It was slowly driving Saïx into insanity, insanity that many thought he was already in. But why, why now? Why when everything was slowly coming together with the plan? Why?

* * *

A/N: _Just thought I would throw this together as a nice 'thank you' for the nice reviews from the first chapter. Remembers; reviews make kitten's purr and you know you love purring kittens (:_


	4. Chapter 4

Disclaimer: I do not claim to own anything in this fan fiction. They belong to their respected owners. If you think I do own this, then I will have to shoot you in the ass with an arrow :]

Pairing: Saïx x Axel

Warning: Characters will be mildly out of character; slightly AU; mentions Xemnas x Saïx and Axel x Roxas. Total Ramble in A/N.

Summary: Once upon a time, Axel and Saïx were whole as Isa and Lea; both secretly always admiring one another. Now as Nobodies, things have changed — Axel sees Saïx changing, but is it his fault? Axel doesn't know, nor does he know that he's still being admired by the azure haired male.

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**Four**_.

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Sighing, the red head shooed the portal closed with the flick of his wrist. He felt like a fool as his emerald orbs scanned the streets of Twilight Town, searching for the heartless he was to kill. He had most certainly made a mistake within the Grey Area, calling his old friend by his original name. Then what did he do? He lied and stated that he called him by that dreaded name that the prick — Xemnas — gave him. He wasn't even sure why he had spoke the old name, he hadn't even realized he did it until he replayed the event when Saïx snapped.

He grunted at the thought that he was possibly losing his mind, which was more then likely true. He had a feeling, no, he knew, that if Saïx caught him still living in the past that he would attack. He really didn't want the beast to lash out; Axel didn't think he could fight back against him. It would hurt too much, it would bother him until his death. He knew this for a fact, because even the thoughts of attacking Saïx bothered him. They were friends, and deep down within his empty being, Axel still considered them as such.

But now was not the time to linger on these thoughts. He was given a mission, he wasn't here to ponder on the past. He needed to finish this up quickly and find something to do that didn't involve thinking of his new life, nor his old one. He knew just the place, matter of fact, he eyed it up right now. The Clock Tower in the distance was the perfect place; no one would bother him nor would they look for him there. He could sit up there and stay away from everything, even those memories that haunted his dream world. He could hide from Isa, he could hide from what Isa had become.

The sound of light pitter-patter caused the nobody to turn his gaze to the left. A simple Shadow stood not far off, its three claws twitching as it's humanoid body jerked about. Glowing out of the jet black form was glowing yellow eyes, the creature seemed uncertain about what to do with the Nobody. Axel only frowned at the creature, sensing that it was time to get back to work. He lifted one of his hands as he narrowed his emerald orbs, snapping his fingers with a dull expression. The creature would then screech as its small — yet round — form burst into flames, only lasting mere seconds within the extreme heat and nipping fire.

"Called your friends, huh?" Axel's comment echoed sarcastically over the pitter-patter of more feet, light footsteps of the creatures he was sent to fight. His eyes scanned as a horde of the creatures came into view, a smirk soon took over his expression while his hand lifted and summoned one of his Chakrams. The horde stopped at the sight of the nobody, staring and twitching as Axel chuckled lightly. "What's the matter? Afraid to end up like your little buddy? Don't worry, I'm going to take you out a different way."

The creatures watched as the object in the Nobody's hand burst into flames, with licked at the black glove that covered the male's hand. He gave a sarcastic smirk before the twitching creatures began their attack. Axel leaped back, tossing the flaming object at the creatures. One by one, the beings were set ablaze and flames engulfed their small bodies. A chilling laughter escaped the nobody his weapon came back to him, curving and soon captured by the gloved hand that threw it. Screeches escaped the dying Heartless, the nobody would soon eye up the remains of the horde — there had to be at least twenty left. "What's the matter? Scared?"

Twitching and screeches escaped what was left of the horde, a few seemed to scurry away but Axel wouldn't let that happen. He went to step forward, only to feel the claws of a Heartless digging into his back. He didn't yelp, he merely spun and lashed out of the Heartless with his weapon. It let out a familiar death screech and was gone. The red head grinned at his quick work, but the triumph was short lived. The pitter-patter of the others' feet echoed, Axel turning back to the group and summoned a fire wall.

A few of the creatures were stupid enough to step forward, the flames taking their existence from them. The other screeched for their fallen comrades, only to screech in pain moments later when Axel would throw his chakram through the flames. He didn't think of the noise he was making, he didn't think about anything besides finishing this mission. All he needed to do was slaughter the horde, then he would have time to himself — time to get away from every memory that plagued his mind.

Once the horde was taken care of, which hadn't taken long, his weapon and fire wall disappeared. No corpses, the Heartless never left anything to clean up, which Axel was a bit relieved about. No mess meant that he didn't have anything after, he could just go on his way to his escape. He could merely get a Sea Salt Ice Cream — something his former self and Isa did long ago — and escape to the clock tower. Nothing could get him. Not the Organization, not his memories; he could just sit up there and watch those below him. It was always so perfect there.

Just as he lifted a foot to head in the direction of the shops, to purchase his treat, the familiar swirling sound echoed past him. His eyes quickly snapped in that direction to see the young mullet haired blond, a frustrated sigh would escape the red head. Now what did Demyx want? Couldn't he see that Axel didn't want to be bothered? Of course not, Demyx was about as thick as a chunk of firewood at times — most of the time was more like it. Still, Axel knew that Demyx wouldn't wander out of The World That Never Was without good reason, so just plain out ignoring him would be a horrid idea. "What is it, Dem?"

"Axel," Demyx's frightened voice echoed nervously. He fidgeted with his fingers like a child in trouble, this only meant bad news for Axel. "We're supposed to return to the castle right away! There's an important, surprise meeting. Xigbar said that Xemnas will be really, really angry if anyone misses it, and that I was supposed to come and get you!"

Axel snorted, "Again… when did we start listening to Xigbar?"

"This is serious business," Demyx whined like a child.

This almost made Axel smirk. Almost. He almost wanted to laugh as well, but knew that it would be hallow and empty. "Demyx. Do you ever listen to yourself?"

"I'm serious this time, Axel." Demyx whined once more, "An angry Xemnas is not good! Remember what he did to Saïx!"

_What he did to Saïx. _Axel sobered quickly from his sarcastic nature, remembering that day perfectly. A single step out of the perfect line and the Superior had went off on the red head's best friend. Axel hadn't known exactly what happened, he wasn't sure if he wanted to know, but he had seen the aftermath. An almost naïve being, so much like the original self, turned into the distance and almost sadistic nobody he now was. All because of something that man, the man that was supposed to care for them, did to him. Axel blamed himself, he should have been there.

"Yeah," Axel commented more to himself then the blond. "We better get going."

Demyx stared for a moment as Axel moved forward, watching as the red head headed for the portal that he had opened to arrive. The blond was curious to say the least but said nothing. He knew a bit of Axel and Saïx's past together, when they were different then they were now. He only knew because of Axel's ranting in his room, yes, the blond had been eavesdropping. Whether or not Axel knew about Demyx's act, he didn't know for sure, but something told him that if he did know, he wouldn't be so nice.

Now though, he didn't regret it and followed after the other nobody, walking through the dark corridor and to the castle. The hall that they ended up in was empty, Axel knew why. The others were waiting on the two of them, or just getting to this important meeting that Demyx spoke of. Axel only found himself lifting his hand to summon the darkness, to arrive at the meeting. His emerald eyes snapped over to see that Demyx was following suit, a smile almost touched his lips. He fought it back as his form was surrounded in the darkness he summoned, and soon found himself in his seat.

His eyes danced around to see that the others were joining as well. He noted that his old friend was already in his seat, probably there the moment that the meeting was called upon. His stomach twisted as the thought of Xemnas turning his old friend into a lapdog, finally clicking in his mind and into his empty chest. It hurt. It hurt to know that there was nothing he could do to stop it, and now the empty amber gaze met his and he realized just how lost his best friend just might be.

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A/N: _I was honestly shocked at all the reviews I got for the third chapter. So I decided to reply to something of them in this chapter. Kind of what I was thinking when I read them. Because honestly, I really love hearing what you guys have to say about my fictions. I absolutely love getting reviews, makes me giggle and smile — yes, I'm super lame. _

_Okay let's get started with the replies!_

_NinjaSheik: I know right? It wasn't even going to be originally planned that way, but as I reviewed clips and stuff of Saïx, I realized that maybe he isn't such a horrible guy? I dunno. I felt bad for him before my story came out. Lol. _

_Random Person: Your welcome. Thank you for leaving that little bit. _

_Cyndane: Your review helped out hell of a lot, and I thank you for it. As for making you shiver at the thought of what Xemnas would do, just wait until I reveal it. Yes, I am evil. Fear me! Not really, you don't have to fear me, but you get it. Also, thanks for telling me about the eye thing. I have issues with seeing eye color on scans and stuff. Noted the ears but didn't note the eyes. Thanks for telling me! It's something I'm totally keeping in mind to use in the future. :]_

_merrypoptartlover: Oh my freaking kitten. It is updated to make your puppy happy. ;] Tell the pup I said hi!_

_I'm so lame. Sorry about that!_

_Remember; reviews make kitten's purr and you know you love purring kittens (:_


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